I am baffled by a variation on the same fashion show that plays out every year on the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show's famous green carpet.
Why do so many handlers dress so unflatteringly? The subtle skill of conformation dog handling evades me. I am truly awful at it. The task would seem almost Sisyphusian when the person presenting the Quintessential Specimen of One's Chosen Breed to showcase his or her dog might easily be mistaken for an escapee from a drunken Mardi Gras celebration.
For a dog to rise to the top eschelons in the world of competitive dog shows, he or she must be in prime condition. Entry fees, travel expenses, and overall care can easily cost $100,000 and frequently more, especially if one hires a professional-- with his or her doggy cargo-- to jump flealike from airport to airport, from city to city, from fairground to hotel ballroom to sports arena.
It appears that so much is poured into these well-conditioned illustrations-from-coffee-table-books-come-t0-life dogs that someone often seems to sacrifice something.
Could it be STYLE?
Not even at Madison Square Garden, the venue of this "America's oldest sporting event with the exception of the Kentucky Derby" that takes place every February in Midtown Manhattan does fashion common sense reign. I remember Glamour Magazine during my youth mostly to get a load of the incarnations of fashion no-no's that graced their final pages. At least the the editors mercifully--and prudently for legal reasons -- obscured the unsuspecting offenders' faces. These women were generally better dressed than I, but I did come away quasi-educated about who should not wear horizontal stripes or tops chopped midpoint at the torso. I also learned what accentuates and minimizes a prominent derrière. It was enough to turn many women agoraphobic!
Is there an Official Dog Show Dress Code that has nothing to do with self-awareness and good taste? Does one have to trade in one's own sense of aesthetics for the ability to honestly assess your show dog's positive and negative qualities? Is it the law to wear clothing that is at least two sizes too small?
Perhaps some savvy designer can come up with a line of dog-handling clothes with lots of pockets for the liver and other pungent bait some handlers like to share with their canine charges. In VANITY sizes that start in sizes below ZERO.
Ah b'lieve thar's gold in that thar enterprise.
Perhaps that is not always the case. Surely most people don't spend more time reading clothing labels than assessing their reflections in HONEST mirrors. I'd bet money that some who handlers still wearing clothes from their svelte Jr. Handling days when they first got hooked on the hobby and on winning. AKC Junior Handling is practically a snake pit-- in many ways more competitive and cutthroat than the Big Leagues.
Another potential business for someone enterprising is ON-SITE tailoring and alterations. Or pre-show consultations. One might think that if you can afford to campaign your dog, you should be able to afford one well-fitting outfit that's right for your body. Moreover, BIG can be bold and beautiful if it's not shoved into "sausage casing." The latest in underwear engineering can make visible panty lines disappear as quickly as ****roaches the moment someone hits the light switch.
Yesterday (Opening Night) and again this evening (Closing Night) my mother's advice about how important it is to wear well-fitted brassiere bonks me on the head like one of Wile E. Coyote's anvils gone wrong. Or how sometimes a simple A-line dress can be a flattering style for most folk-- woman and some M-to-F transgendered folks, anyway. Or how proper skirt lengths complement certain human body types and leg shapes.
How right she was! (My mother, that is. ) And I'm not even going to go into what appears to be a CODE ORANGE sequin and strange shoe crisis. These are modern times. Comfortable shoes don't have to resemble the squeaky orthopedic shoes that the overbearing mother of English teacher Albert Peterson wore in Bye Bye Birdie. My fifth grade teacher, Miss Stroller-- a perfect name for comfortable walking now that I think about it-- had an almost identical pair in playground-ball red.
Someone queried the cairn-list about whether the primary clothing offenders were women. Without a doubt, there are some men with questionable taste, but foundation garments don't present the same problem with men as they do with women. However, society in general has presented more variables and "options" woman than for guys. It's just another inherent inequity.
Hemlines aren't usually an issue, although it's but a matter of
time before someone will hit the scene donning Pee Wee Herman-length
pants. Nevertheless, even if you expect the unexpected, you're bound to
be surprised.
So tonight's gala at the Garden ended with the Best in Show going to yet another English Springer Spaniel that looked like-- well-- a pretty damned good one. The Terrier Group last night's victor was a top-winning Dandie Dinmont that's been mopping up the Terrier Group ring for the last year. I was rather partial to a little Sealyham that took a Group Third.
Example of a handsome Sealyham:
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As if by magic, Aust/NZ Ch. Toledo Sam of Tentyne finds himself in a beautiful
Geordie, as usual, watched a bit of the show, but I had TiVo'd the program for later and
it was already way into the wee hours, so he didn't show the typical élan of past years. After all, it is his eleventh Westminster and we were all so very tired. And Maggie has always had nothing but disdain for such blatant pageantry.
Goodnight. I admit that I prefer for myself the inconspicuous look but also admit that I am a terrible dog handler. I would be more conspicuous than even the most brazenly outrageously dressed competent dog handler-- even if I really were invisible.
Jill (neither a great dresser nor a fan of lycra catsuits for everyday wear nor the faux snake skin look)
Geordie (only fashions from Maison de Barb Schuster) He also wants to show you a clip of his son, AmCan CH. KinLoch's Royal Troon, ME's triumph at Westminister 2005 in the breed ring.
Oliver's owner/handler dressed very nicely, by the way.
Maggie (simple, tasteful, and understated in natural textures and colors)
DISCLAIMER: If the shoe doesn't fit (figuratively) and you dress with great panache, I don't mean you, so don't get your panties tied in knots. Otherwise their outlines will become visible. It is inevitable.
3 comments:
Hilarious! After watching 2 nights of dog show coverage, I was once again struck by the GHASTLY outfits that the women handlers wore! Tight skirts with slits, too short and tight jackets, sequins, dark hose with short skirts, etc. etc. Is there a law that says you can't wear pants?
Keep up the good work!
Not to mention THE SHOES
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